alamanda night cuzen hangout

[-ReSuLt-]

21 january 09
"reslt will b out today around 8.15am, so please wait at the Hexagon"

huh?..

i was about dragging my feet to the stairs..dup dap..is this true my heart throbbing?..is it true that i felt anxious to know the outcome?

well, frankly speaking, i did feel all that..
but just a bit..
i was calm enough..i could still surf through the net, searching some info for sociology's presentation later(if there be one)..

and the reslt was announced..
and..
i felt nothing at the moment..no joy, no regret, no sadness or anything..

the teachers hugged me, and i said thanx for their prayers, effort and blessing..

2 of my clasamate got all A's equal to 15 points..wow!..congratz!!..

many of us improved , and of course here and there everybody was crying..except the guys and me..

i dropped not even a single tears..be it tears of joy or the opposite..
i just don't feel to..

after recess, we had math class..ms ririn asked if any of us are not happy with our results and half of the class raised their hands including mine..
she cried....

our faces changed..we thought it was okay for us to feel that way, but she did not..
we felt sorry..

she brought us home..to cheer us up..and how grateful i am to her that she did that.
that she showed us the movie - 'The Secret'..[jazakallah khairan kathira teacher]

back in college, in the evening,i realized my mistake..forgive me ya Allah, for not being happy with what YOu had given me,
i should have been grateful..

i AM now..

"Thank you Allah"
-Alhamdulillah-

[-----kem mahasiswa rabbani----]

dh abeh pn kem tuh..2 hari stu mlm ja..
but it's quite an experience..
obstacles n rafting pa suma..
tym rafting tu , raft grup aku hanyut,
x sempat smpe kt seberng pn..
dayung abes-abesan,
tpi still x ley nk lwan angin yg kuat tym tuh..

byk bnda gk la yg aku dscver..
vision, effort, focus, n choice..

nih suma objective dia, act nk ksik upgrade ktorg nya smngt nk A2 nnti..
hopefully, tercpai lah..

but sumthng is still dffrnt wif myself..

aku pelik la,
stiap kli ad talk psal nk naek kn smngt, stiap kli tu la aku akn de-spirited..
x de smngt..jdik down..
aku mmg tau aku nih jenih reverse efek sket..
tpi x kn la bab nih pn nk reverse efek gk..
naya ah aku cm nih..

cnth nya, cm slasa last week tuh ad pgawai BPLM dtg,
lebey kurg cm nk pet talk ah..
tpi aku rsa smcm ja..
nyampah pn ad..
meluat, saket ati pn ad..
geram n macm2 g..

tau sbb pa..?..

sbb dia duk asek ckp psai doing courses within your own choice n interest..
bnda yg kta btol2 nk wt..

abeyh, aku nih dh la geram x ley wt kos yg aku nk..kos yg aku mnat..
pahtu dia duk ckp2 lak psai bnda tuh..

adeyh..
aku sboley2 ny x mo ingt bnda tuh..
i thought i'm over it..
but not yet..
hmm...

A2 dh nk dkat nih..


plizzz la kolej oi..
no more motivation on doing your own choice..about your own interest...
i hve had it enough..i'm hurting inside..
klo motivation nk stdy x pa la gk..nk excel lam exam ka..
but juz exclude the interest n choice..my heart is juz not here...yet..
dont make it drifted away...

[ iRoNy ]

semua bnda akn berubah..

yg x berubah hnya lah perubah itu sndri..

ia akn ttap berlaku ...

[bc kt mna tah, x ingt le plak..uhuu]